Taking Chances
by NorthernCharm
Summary: Timespace: before the fall but after season 7 of BTVS spike died, he is now back and living with angel in LA, he learns news that buffy wishes to see him, a few unexpected occourences and he winds up back in sunnydale full summary inside. ON HOLD
1. Prologue

Timespace: After season 7 of buffy has ended, but somewhere before the fall.

Prologue

Spike has somehow been restored to his normal self after arriving in the amulet he wore when sunnydale was destroyed. He is now working alongside angel at Wolfram & Hart battling evil and arguing over petty things like who saved the world the most times. willow has found the long lost book of Pangea in a box of Tara's old possesions. The book bares the secrets and the power to restore and resurect anything and everything. She has since then restored Sunnydale back to its previous self. The potentials have all went their seprate ways, and when Kennedy left she was getting pretty snuggly with Amy. (yes Amy the rat Amy.) Tara, Anya and Willow all helped produce the spell that reversed Buffy's woman-power-every-girls-a-slayer effect and erased it out of civilians minds. Riley, his wife, Gwendolyn Post, and Hobson have moved to England to re-build the watchers council. Willow has used the book of Pangea to erm...re-grow his eyeball. and Xander and Anya are re-engaged. Angel is still as brooding as ever, Gunn and Cordelia are seeing each other, and the scoobies are back in Sunnydale. Spike is still ''dead'' as far as anyone is concerned Dawn is the only one who knows that he is alive and Angel has placed a tounge-tying jinx on her because he wishes for Buffy to fall back in love with Angel. Dawn and Spike keep in touch frequently over the phone and ocasionally visit. Dawn considers him like a father, he considers her as daughter.


	2. Just another day at the office

''SPIKE!''... Angel calls from his oversized office. Spike enters the room munching on wheetapix. ''Calm down you bloody poof 'm right here.''

Angel stands up and closes the green mini bars door. ''Where is my $1900.00 bottle of imported brazillian rum!''

Spike holds up an empty bottle with forigne writing on it. ''Umm...'' Angel growls then slams Spike up against the wall, the glass bottle falls to the ground and shatters.

''Hey, watch it peaches'' Angel whips around and grabs his pet bamboo plant out of the pot, snaps it in half and raises it above Spikes chest.

''Sod off" Spike shoves Angel into his desk, papers fall to the floor.

Outside of Angels office demons and very frightened people stare at the office door, as numerous thuds and crashes can be heard. Harmony stands up and reasures the people. "Dont worry its probably just another tustle ove-" muffled voices come from the door.

"Oohh look at me 'm all dark and brooding-like watch as i mesmerise you with my huge forehead'' ''Shut up captain peroxide.''

the elevator dingd and a pissed off looking Gunn enters the waiting room dragging a pale Andrew behind him. Harmony opens her mouth to ask a question, but Gunn cuts her off. "yes me and coredelia are in a fight, no i will not check your computer for online demons that dont exist." " im guessing Angel and Spike are in there?" An elderly lady nods.

Back in the office Spike throws a gargoyle paperweight at Angel who is standing in front of the office door, Angel ducks just as Gunn imerges dragging Andrew behind him, Gunn ducks as he spots the gargoyle, while Andrew gets hit square in the forehead with it and falls to the ground.

A small demon in the waiting room sticks his head around the door and comments "noob". Gunn gives the demon a shut-the-fuck-up-im-not-in-the-mood-ill-kick-your-ass look. He then turns around to face Spike and Angel who have each other in this weird head lock thing, and are pulling each others hair.

''Are you two quite done?" Andrew sits up and stares at Angel, Angel looks up "he started it" he points a finger towards Spike.

"He drank all my rum" Angel pouts. Spike gives Angel a disbeliving look. "Wow Buffy was right when she said you we're now acting like a 12 year old." Angel and Spike release each other and stand up, Angel straightens out his custom blazer, while Spike slumps down in a chair and lights a cigarette.

Angel clears his throut and loks at Gunn "So umm.. why did you interupt my uh.. chat with Spike" "Well i was out kicking some demon ass...well okay i was arguing with Cordy about if we should get the Georgetown collection, or the Beatrice Collection for the living room,

but i decided to come see if you needed any help with anything and i ran into him, he said he needed to see Spike said it was quite important, i didnt believe him since i heard the story where he tried to open the hellmouth"

Andrew stood up "Hey i was like under the Firsts trance that so didnt count" "WILL YOU STOP INTERUPTING ME!" Gunn yelled "anyways i didnt belive him until he said that Buffy was in trouble... while she is troubled"

Andrew turned around and closed the door. then pulled a dvd out of his jacket "here this is for you" Spike reached out and grabbed the disc "aww why does Spike get all the gifts?" Angel yelled.

Gunn lookes over at Angel with a raised eyebrow, Spike walked over to the TV set and popped in the dvd "i dont know why i taped this... i just thought you'd want to see it.

The screen shows a very familiar graveyard, a few 30 some girls and a few demons are gathered around a black, shiny gravestone, beside it an all to familiar face looks into the crowd with her blonde hair shining in the sun.

In the front of the crowd a brunette teenager is crying into a red heads shoulder and a very wrinkly demon is blowing his nose in a huge hanky, elephant noises can be heard from him,

Wesley silently entered Angels office and stands beside Gunn. The blonde on the screen moves beside the younger brunette, her face was tearstained.

**TBC**


	3. in memorial

_The screen shows a very familiar graveyard, a few 30 some girls and a few demons are gathered around a black, shiny gravestone, beside it an all to familiar face looks into the crowd with her blonde hair shining in the sun. In the front of the crowd a brunette teenager is crying into a red heads shoulder and a very wrinkly demon is blowing his nose in a huge hanky, elephant noises can be heard from him, _

_Wesley silently entered Angels office and stands beside Gunn. The blonde on the screen moves beside the younger brunette, her face was tearstained._

And she smiled meekly at the young girl beside her, then she began to speak "Umm we are gathered here today to spare a moment for a friend and an

ally...alot of you, in fact most of you didnt really like Spike, not many of you knew him but he was the most amazing...person" as she said the last word her

breath caught in her throat, and a tear slid down her face. "Spike taught me more about life than anyone else i ever knew, which is ironic because he wasn't

technicly alive, but he had more spirit than any human i've ever known, Spike was always there for me, his support was un-wavering, even when others

abandoned me Spike was at my side." at the last sentance people looked around, guilty. "Spike seldom asked for more than we could give, for his entire

life...and unlife Spike looked for love, and companionship despite being dead at times, well evil, he devoted himself to others...it occoured to me, right before

he...died." a huge sob escaped her lips, and the older man with glasses on stepped up beside her and patted her shoulder, comforting her, Buffy looked

at the gravestone and with a deep sigh she continued her speech. "Right before he died i realized that Spike had never been loved, he had loved enough

for a billion people and he had devoted centuries to others, good or evil, but he never got anything close to love in return...but still he sacraficed his life for us...for me that night, and he died alone,

he sacrificed his own life because despite the fact that most of you hated him he cared about your fates, i dont care if none of you liked me but please, think about this, think about the life he led and the sacrifices he made, because Spike was a true hero, Spike was a champion,i hope you know that he is remembered."

a girlsih sobbing noise could be heard from behind the camera. presumably the person filming was touched.

The film cut to the gravestone, blades of grass and leaf obscurred part of the screen, and it was assumed the camera was hidden there.

Someones feet became visible in the frame and as she knelt down at the grave Buffy's face came into view. "Hi Spike.. I...I don't know where you are... or if you are,

but i wanted to read you your gravestone." Buffy sobbed quietly "it says here lies William, he was a true champion. i know its lame, but i just, there was so much i wanted to say to you,

so much was un-said and i don't know if you believed me in the end, if you just wanted me to leave but Spike, I do love you... i need you to know that you were loved, you are loved, youre life...or un-life ment so much to me.. i had this guy i was seeing for awhile,

i don't know why, i just wanted everyone to think i had moved on, the immortal was perfect but i felt nothing, i just felt more hollowness inside of me,

i asked him to leave, and he did." she looked like she wanted to cry but she was trying to put on a brave face, buffy let out a forced giggle.

" Spike, you have ruined me for every other man in the world." "Anyway i don't know how to do this...life or whatever they're calling it these days without you, and i know i said it before... but Spike i do love you, know that you were loved...are loved."

on screen Buffy stood up and walked away, leaving just the gravestone, the camara kept filming...but no one stopped it.

silent tears streamed down Spikes face, Andrew stood up and left the room. Gunn and Weasly looked at each other, they appeared to be in Shock,

Weasly contemplated something in his head before speaking out loud. "Spike what is love?" Spike eyed him as if he was crazy, but then he seemed lost in thought,

"It can't just be described like that, but Weasly..." the last part was added quietly...as if an afterthought. "She isn't love keeping a shrine of someone. not letting go, it isn't love."

Weasly looked as though that was the answer he was looking for and he left the room, Gunn followed him.

Angel sat at his desk silently staring at Spike , his eyes showed little emotion but suddenly he seemed to come to some sort of a conclusion. he reached into his desk and pulled a piece of paper out .

"If you hurt her i'll kill you." he said the words quietly before handing the paper to Spike and leaving the room. Spike looked at what was in his hands a one way Train ticket to good 'ole Sunnydale.

**TBC.**

_A/N: hope you liked this chapter... sorry about the clifhanger but i just couldnt resist XD reviews are greatly appreciated as they encourage me to write/update faster. also i need someone to make me a banter for the story, whoever does can send it to me you will get full credit and youre name in each chapter. i also need a BETA reader :) PM or email me!_


	4. Smashed Again

*********Back in sunnydale********

Dawn and Buffy we're sitting across from each other. Dawn had just finished telling Buffy that she could bring Spike back, ressurect him make him alive again, er well as alive as the un-dead could get

Dawn tried to read the emotions on Buffy's face but all she could see was pure shock, anger, and was that... love? "Well aren't you gonna say something?" "Buffy?" Dawn asked

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO SAY! THIS IS INSANE" she snapped angrily rising to her feet. Buffy paced back and forth running her hand through her hair, Dawn looked at Buffy, confused.

"Buffy i thought you'd be thrilled" dawn stated. Buffy turned sharply to face her sister "thrilled? are. you. mad.? people aren't supposed to come back from the dead! its wrong unnatural."

Dawn looked at Buffy and simply replied "you did." Buffy Fisted her hands and gritted her teeth she hated bringing up the fact that she died and her friends pulled her back to hell- er- earth she hated the fact she was pulled out of heaven and she hated the fact that her friends knew.

With a swift turn Buffy ran up the stairs and slammed her bedroom door, and slid down the back of it, to rest on her butt. tears sprag to her eyes and rolled down her cheeks.

A million and one questions and thoughts swam through her head, she was thrilled he could possibly come back it was a dream come true, a dream that replayed at night over and over again, ever since the day the hellmouth calapsed and he died.

But then there was the fact that Spike might not be normal, she chuckled at that thought Spike was never normal, he was better than normal yet ever so slightly frayed. but what if Spike wasnt Spike.

Ressurections we're taboo, things went wrong all the time, they always went wrong, she abrubtly stood up and walked over to her dresser, on it rested a dried up yet vibrantly red-colored rose and a picture of him.

she ever so gently caressed his face in the picture. and more tears slid down her cheeks "God i miss you" she wispered. "i miss you too pet"

Buffy gasped and turned around so fast she knocked the picture of him off her dresser. As if a whisper she thought she had heard it . heard his voice. well she always heard his voice but never as real as this was.

Tt was official she was going crazy, she had to be. she walked to her bed but stopped when she heard a crunch and looked down to see his picture **smashed.**

that was when she broke down, she wailed and wailed tears flooded from her eyes she just calapsed on the floor and cryed, loud sobs escaped her lips.

A few moments later the door burst open and Xander and Willow came through followed by Dawn "oh god" Willow shouted. blood. there was blood everywhere. "Xander get dawn the hell out of here" "no im not going anywhere whats going on." whats wrong" "is Buffy ok" "Xander get her out NOW!" Xander grabbed Dawn by the arm and pulled her out of the room, and slammed the door behind her.

"God Wills what as that abo- OH MY GOD." Xander said. there was blood everywhere glass shattered across the floor and he looked down and saw Buffy on the floor crying and clutching a photo

there was hunks of glass sticking out of each wrist. and the realization hit Xander. _She had tried to kill herself._

"Xander call 911." Willow yelled "no they'll put her in the asylum." "do you want her to die?" "no bu-" "for god sakes Xander call giles then! hurry shes bleeding out!"

Buffy heard muffled shouts she presumed they we're her friends saving her again, but this time she didnt want them to save her.

_this was it _she thought _Spike was right he was always right this was time she had her death wish. and know she'd finally join her lover._

Buffy thought back through her life nothing major had happened she had never lived an amazing life nothing great had happened she defeated many foes. had many good times and a heck of alot of bad ones.

she lived in solitude never telling her friend many things only telling one person. HIM. she thought back she had defeated every evil that arised except HIM

she lost Angel, Parker, Riley, and HIM.

then she gained Dawn, then she almost lost her to Glory and none we're strong enough to stand up to her except HIM he protected her, and Dawn then came the greatest evil she had ever faced. the first and the first was defeated because of HIM

her life had revolved around HIM and death.. always death. and know she would give in to death and join HIM.


	5. Blood is life

Spike had visited Buffy's house and saw her crying and talking to a picture of him then he heard her state that she missed him... without thinking he had replied.

then he saw her spin around and face the spot where he was hidden in the process she knocked the picture off her dresser. when she strained and saw nothing she basicly collapsed on the floor... and he had watched as she went into hysterics.

and with that he left he couldn't face Buffy because this wasn't his Buffy it was an insane broken one. he had begain walking down the drive when he heard red screaming something about an ambulance to the Whelp.

He ran back to Buffy's house and as soon as he entered the front door he smelt blood. "OH GOD." he ran up the stairs and attempted to open the door, it was locked... he frowned then broke down the door.

Xander and Willow looked at him "Spike?" they said in usion. then Buffy started convulsing. and they turned there attention back to attemptig to stop the bleeding and in the process shoving the glass deeper into her arms.

he growled and pushed red aside. "move 'ure doing it wrong ure 'urting her" he looked at Buffys face She was clearly out of it and yet still crying her eyes out.

"its okay love i'll fix you." he reached down and as carefully as possible pulled the glass out of her delicate arms. then wrapped the rags against it to stop the bleeding.

then the blood seeped throught the rags he realized she had cut the veins. he groaned and looked at Willow and Xander.

"wha- whats wrong SPIKE WHY DID YOU STOP" Willow yelled. He looked up at Willow and tears ran down his face. "the veins are severed i can't fix it." he let a sob escape from him.

Then the realization slipped in. he was gonna lose her **again. **then he put his lips to her wrist and started to suck the blood.

Xander picked up a porclean ornament of Buffy' s and smashed it over Spikes head. "you bastard you find out shes a gonner and 5 seconds later you drink from her?"

'tis not like that" Spike said quickly. "like hell its not" Xander yelled. "you bleeding whelp if i drink from her then cut off the cirulation to her arms i can 'effing stop the bleeding!"

"oh" Xander said sheepishly. Spike continued on drinking from her then he grabbed the rags and tired them tight around her wrists and took 4 inch thick elastics and put at the top of her arms.

by the looks of it the blood had subsided. for know.

"lets get her onto the bed." Willow suggested. Xander moved as if to pick her up and Spike turned to him and vamped out and growled. "you. will. not. touch. her. whelp.

"like hell i wont she our friend not yours." he continued to attempt to pick Buffy up. Spike punched him in the face and picked Buffy up himself.

he carefully laid her on the bed. she looked quite flushed and pale. she had lost alot of blood and was frail as it was . he wondered if she had been eating.

he carefully carresed her face and pushed her hair out of her face. he then stood up and walked out of the room out of the house and out the driveway.

Xander followed "Where are you going?" "leavin" "well obviously but why" "she cant know im here, she can never know im here, as far as she's concerned you two saved her alright?" Spike said.

"but-" Xander begain. "but nothing she can **never** know." "fine" Xander said. and with that Spike turned and left, Xander watched him walk for awhile then ran back inside. As he reached Buffy's room he heard the front door open.

Xander went right into her room. and said to Willow. "he's gone. she can never know he was here, never know anything Will he dosent want her to know."

then Giles ran into the room with what looked like a house-call-doctors bag from the 1800's. "oh-god im too late" he looked at Buffy's pale form on the bed. "im too late shes gone. DAMN IT! i knew i'd be the death of her! God she was right just another slayer in the line of duty. What did this to her i'll slash it open"

Xander and Willow looked at Giles fearfully. "Giles calm down she's not dead." "oh" Giles said. "thank-god i dunno what i would do with myself if we had to face her death again.

"what happened" Giles asked. "well we don't exactly know! We came over at Dawns request, and heard a crash and crying then came up here to find her in shock and crying with glass stuck in her wrists" Willow said.

"i know what happened" Xander said. "Willow and Giles looked at him questionly. "she attempted to kill herself."

_**TBC.**_


	6. defumbling things

Giles took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes, _never in a million years would he think his slayer, his Buffy would go suicide she has so much to live for. her friends, her family, Dawn,_ then it struck him. _a lover, she lacks a lover...no she lacks Spike._

"Xander?" Giles asked. "yeah" "will you go downstairs and make me a cup of tea.?" "um- yeah i guess... sure." Xander replied.

"Willow, now i trust your judgement but do you think theres a possibility we could use the book of Pangea to resurect Spike?" Giles asked. "yeah it would 100% work with no side effects because he's the un-dead. but um we kinda don't have to." Willow stated.

"What do you mean we don't have to, clearly Buffy did this because she is lacking him." Giles said. "Well we already kinda knew that hence the picture of him wrapped in her arms.." Willow pointed to Buffy.

"Oh... well we need to bring him back clearly she will try this again and again till it takes full affect and we lose her." Giles stated. "um again you missed the point where i said we don't have to cause he's kinda um- already back.." Willow says.

"What?" Giles questions. "um yeah we don't know how, or why, but he kinda just showed up and stopped the bleeding... i guess he was lurking and smelled the blood.. and knew it was Buffy's blood. Without him we would have lost Buffy." Willow said

"Well.. thats incredible.. you mean to say he returned from the Hellmouth with no magical assistance?" Giles asks.

"Well yeah i guess... i mean none of us could have done it but me you.. or-or Tara or me...and Angel wouldn't do it he hates Spike... come to think of it i don't think we even told Angel about Spike...then again he's his grand-sire wouln't he like get the tingelies or something.. OH! but not those tingelies because he's not gay..bu-"

"Willow! your rambling, and no i don't thing Angel did it or knows about it he would have told Buffy for sure." Giles says.

"Back here is your steaming hot cup of char." Xander smirked and handed the cup to Giles. "Thank-you Xander." Giles says. "no problem i had to get away from this room anyway the blood was getting to me." Xander said.

"mm-hmm the blood is quite strong do you think we should clean it.. or should we move her so we can keep an eye on her." Willow asked.

" i think maybe we should clean the blood, we really shouldn't move her." Xander said. "Actually Xander i think it would be best to move her in case she wakes up and trys that again." Giles says.

"fine you guys can move her but my nose protests." Xander said. Giles looked at him funny. "Spike punched him in the nose after he tried to touch Buffy he was all reaches to pick Buffy up and there was an exchange of words, a fist and some vamping out." Willow informed him.

Giles just stood there mouth agape. "what wh-why are you making that face?" Xander asked. "so you mean to say spike actually hurt Xander?" Giles said. "well yeah i mean Xander is pretty tough but i think the Vampire strength won out in the end." Willow said.

"no. no. no. i mean Spike actually hurt a human without the chip interfering?" Giles said. Willows eyes went wid faster than Xanders did. "so death takes a chip implanted in your skull out?" Xander asks.

"yeah it does, did i hear something about you touching her?" Spike asked. Giles stood up and looked a Spike "so you are back?" Giles asked.

"i seem to be in living flesh and color." Spike replied. "and you saved her?" Giles asked "i did." Spike said. "Thank-you without you we would have lost her again... for good. and i dont think Dawn would have been able to face that...none of us woul have been ready to face that... speaking of Dawn..." Giles said.

"the little bit ran out the front door with a pack when i was on my way in she said she was going to Janices, that she couldn't stand to be left out any longer and that she would return tomorrow." Spike replied.

"And.. you just let her go with what happened on Halloween 2 years ago?" Xander asked. "well...yeah" Spike replied. "Great...im gonna go grab Anya then head over to Janices to see if she's telling the truth." Xander stated.

"Okay... you sure you'll be fine on your own?" Willow asked.

"Yes willow the 22 year old man that has weapons and know about all the worlds beasties can walk 2 blocks up the road and grab his vengance demon girlfriend." Xander stated.

"Just checking." Willow said. When she and giles turned back to Buffy Spike was Kneeling beside the bed staring into her eyes and holding her hand.

"i thought you didnt want her to know you are here" Willow asked. "times change." Spike replied.

"well i think we need to set up watch times we all take turns watching to see if Buffy's ok and if she wakes up or not." Willow suggested.

Spike didnt even turn his head he just simply replied "No. i'll stay with her the WHOLE time." Giles began to protest.

"i said i'll stay she looked after me many aa time when i was out of it cause of 'm sould and when i first got the chip i owe everything to her."

"No Spike we have to take shifts it's safest." Giles replied then Spike vamped out "i said NO ONE IS TOUCHING HER AND IM STAYING WITH 'ER." Spike turned back to Buffy and lost his Demon face.

and with that Willow and Giles strode out of the room and went downstairs to the kitchen. "i think somethings wrong with him." Giles replied. "well he wouldnt hurt her so they should be fine until we figure out what is wrong with him." Willow replied.

Willow walked over to the fridge and pulled out some milk and retrieved a glass from the cupboard, she poured the milk and strode back over to the island and sat down across from Giles.

she stared at the milk while she pondered how to ask the question she knew he was thinking. "do you think Buffy will be alright?" Willow asked.

"Well Willow theres no sure way of knowing that i mean she is the slayer so her flesh wounds should heal but she went through something very tramatic and her mind might never truly heal." Giles replied.

"but she'll still be Buffy...Right?" Willow asked. "theres no true way of knowing." Giles replied.

Willow took a sip of her milk.

Spike held Buffy's hand then slowly crawled up into her bed and held her, careful no to touch her wrists. "god pet how i've missed you, i thought about you every day since i've been back,"

"i returned to L.A then Angel Got some Of them Warlocks at Wolfram and Hart to put spells on me and Dawn, keeping her quiet and making me stay there, but that's all changed now, i'm back and i need you, i love you Buffy, come back to me" Spike wispered into her ear.

Buffy moaned, and a tear slid down her face.

Buffy walked down a white hallway and entered the restfield graveyard she walked a bit until Spike appeared he startted walking.. and she followed him. "wait i-i dont understand how how are you back, i missed you so much i-"

he stopped infront of a gravestone then pointed to it... it was her gravestone it read: Buffy Summers took the easy way out and went suicide, no one loved her, and she will not be missed.

then the scene shifted and she kept faling into a dark hole.. over and over and over then it shifter and she was in a field fighting 1000's of demons by herself, then it shifted once again and she was sitting on her bed, it was soaked with blood and her wrists felt like they we're on fire

again and again the scenes shifted and her wrists burned.

then she went into a white room, everything was white, she entered the living room and there was her mother seated on the couch wearing a white pants suit and has white wings.

"mommy?" Buffy asked. "yes Buffy it's me." "oh god mom i've missed you so much." she ran to her mother and hugged her. "i have so may questions" Buffy said. "well i'll do my best to answer them.

"where have you been, are you okay, that day when you died were you scared, are you mad at me, can i die, have you seen Spike, were you in heaven?"

"i have been in heaven Buffy, yes i'm okay but i miss you and Dawn terribly, no iw as not scared when i died, i felt at peace, and no dear i could never be mad at you..okay well yes i could be mad at you but im not, i have no reason to be mad, no i haven't seen Spike why is he dead?"

Buffy lowered her head and put her hnds in her lap, yeah mom, Spikes dead, tears begain to roll down her face, and at that moment her mother understood.

"you love him?" Joyce asked. "I think so.. i mean he saved me time and time again, he sacrificed himself for me, he got his soul for me, he's smart, sexy, totally a dumb blonde at times, he understands me, he cares for me... or he did."

"Buffy you have to return to your friends know, they need you, you need them." Joyce said

"But mom i need you," "no Buffy you don't i love you, always have, always will, know go back go back to your lovers arms."

"my what?"

Buffy started to shift her position, Spike leaped up and ran down the stairs,

_**TBC.**_


	7. awake to asleep again

"Red! Rupert! she's waking up!" Spike ran down the stairs and into the kitchen "she's waking up" Willow and Giles ran up the Stairs with Spike hot on their heels.

They entered the doorway and saw Buffy slowly attempt to sit up, and fall back down, grabbing her head.

Giles and Willow entered the room, Spike grabbed Willows arm and pulled her out into the hallway.

"Red, go back to the original plan, i was never here." "Why Spike? obviously she did this because she's depressed, and she needs you at the moment, we may not have fluffy feelings for you, but she sure does."

"No Red she doesn't that's why she can't know." and with that he swiftly ran down the stairs and out the front door. _stupid vampire... don't know nothing until the last moment.. he was gonna regret this. _Willow thought.

Willow hear a loud moan and looked at Buffy

Buffy opened her eyes, all she saw was blury colors and smudges, she tried to sit up but felt sharp pains in her arms and the back of her head, she thought back to think what happened.

"Sp-Spike" Buffy whimpered Willow walked over to the bed and sat by Buffy. "Buffy it's Willow can you hear me?" Xander and Anya appeared in the doorway

"Willow she attempted suicide she didnt stick a Q-tip too far in her ear." Anya stated

Xander gave Anya the zip-it look. "So she's ok?" Xander asks "she seems it not very talkative but okay" Willow replies "you sure she didn't go into a comatose state?" Anya asks.

"G-guys im fine" Buffy says. Willow whips her head around to look at Buffy She's half sitting up and seems to be straining to see. She keeps squinting then un-squinting over and over.

Willow turns around and hugs Buffy we see Willow's face over Buffy's shoulder tears are streaming down it.

"oh god Buffy we thought we we're gonna lose you again, it would have been so hard wh-why did you do it?" Willow asks

We see Buffy's face over Willows shoulder it looks somber and un-happy "I-I don't really want to talk about it." Buffy replies

Buffy pulls away from Willows shoulder un-moved by the action.

"Well Buffy we're gonna talk about it, you've always been this strong and loving person you'd get through anything wether it's fighting demons.

Or giant snakes, you fought Angel when he was evil, you delt with angel the one true love of your life leaving leaving you heck leaving town, you delt with your mom dying, you delt with Riley leaving this country heck you even delt with your own death and when i was evil." Willow says

"And now you can't even deal with The fact that Spike an evil souless thing who tried to kill us many times is dead?" Xander asks

"Why can't you deal?" Xander questions.

"Your obviously hiding something from us. What are you hiding" Willow said "I-I It dosent matter it's over he's gone" Buffy say's painfully

"i think it matters if you tried to kill yourself over it." Anya replies

"Buffy we're your friends we have a right to know why you tried to kill yourself why you can't deal...so we can help you deal to get over whatever it is." Willow says

"i um can we go downstairs?" Buffy asks "ya Buff sure" Xander says. He Helps Buffy stand up and he and Willow support her as she trys to walk. grrr

Xander and Willow lock eyes Xander mouths _did you hear that growl _Willow replies _spike._

They walk down the stairs, Xander and Willow carefully help Buffy sit down on the couch

"Hey where's Giles?" Buffy asks Xander and Willow look at each other

"Where is Giles Will?" Xander questions "I-I dunno we we're down here drinking milk and then Sp- um" Willow winks 2x "Came flying down the stairs yelling she was getting up and i ran upstairs and Wink wink followed and then spazzed and left i'm not sure where Giles went"

"An-and Dawn?" Buffy asks Willow looks at Xander and Anya "Safe and sound at Janices she left after we kicked her out of your room so she couldn't see anything" Xander replies

"And she's actually there this time not parking with a vampie" Anya replies smiling.

A slight smile tugs at Buffy's lips as she remembers fighting all those vamps with Spike. and how she felt after her sister was safe she missed that feeling so much.

"So you we're gonna tell us why you did this after we vented at you for 20 minutes?" Xander says.

"Well i-it's a long story i'm kinda tired so short version today?" Buffy asks "yeah Buff short version today" Xander replies

"So um i died.. as you already know, then i had trouble getting back into the swing of things felt un-attached from the group and well... dead.

Like this was hell and none of you understood so i turned to Spike for comfort.. i used him for... amazing sex and when i was with him i felt alive not just when we we're .. you know but i'd sit down and have a drink with him or have a conversation

and it was true he loved me and i didn't want to admit it but i was slowly falling for him but i knew what you all would think it was gross and wrong

so i stopped seeing him and then well all the stuff happened with the first and Spikes chip breaking and then we fought and won and then i lost him and he helped me with so much

he was so true to himself and me he saved me and dawn many a time he was just so-so amazing in everything he did and he was the only one to truly understand me and now he's gone." Buffy sobbed.

"if that's the short version remind me to never ask for the long one." Xander said jokingly.

Willow gave him a shoosh look, as she rubbed Buffy's back "so Xander can you do one more thing?" Willow asks

"Anything." Xander replies "Go find Giles" Willow says

Willow stands up and walks over to the coffee table where a box of kleenex is sitting she grabs a couple from the box and hands to Buffy, she Blows her nose and wipes at her eyes.

"Thanks, water?" Buffy asks "Sure Buffy" Willow walks to the kitchen, she opens the cupboard and grabs a glass, walks back over to the sink and turns the tap on to let it run so it gets cold Buffy never liked warm water.

Willow entered the room again and handed the glass to Buffy. Buffy does this half smile thing and thanks Willow she downs all of it at once

"im kinda tired so can im just gonna sleep here" Buffy states. as she lies down on the couch.

-A/N: i wont be updating for 5 days because im going to Cape Breton Canada with the family. i will be working though for the next two days on writing to update all 3 of my fanfics. thanks to bellavision for the request if yall haven't started reading it yes it's called converted it's quite interesting i'm told. lol keep the reviews comming!

-Kaila A.K.A. numberonebuffyfan.


	8. just like old times

"Sure Buffy" Willow replied as she begain to walk up the stairs to Buffy's room to sleep.

XXXXX

3 hours later: Xander opened Buffy's front door followed by Anya and Giles, "Shhhh look buffy's sleeping" Xander said as he pointed to the couch.

He and the others crept up the stairs to Dawn's room and knocked on the door, "Willow?" Giles asked "i think she's in here" Anya stated she pointed to Buffys room.

they opened the door and stepped inside, Willow was awake and sitting up, legs crossed and a 'imthinkingintently' look on her face "Will?" Xander asked "SHHHH, buffy's sleeping" Willow replied

She dot up and closed the door. "so..report?" Giles asks "Well buffy woke up as you know then we came downstairs and talked with her she broke down, cried, drank a bit of water then went to sleep." Willow filled him in.

"Giles im really worried about her.. i mean she's my best friend and she shouldn't be like this, i can't stand her being like this. Willow frowned.

"Well she seems alright...? well normal?" Giles asks. "Well yeah but how long till she tries the whole thing again?" Xander asks

XXXXX

Buffy could hear muffled voices comming from upstairs. She knew thay we're talking about her, she couldnt stand it couldnt stand just sitting here while her friends did this.

_i need a good slay._ _patrol...i think i'll go on patrol. _ Buffy stood up and briskly walked over to the counter and left her friends a note,

_**Willow, Xander, Giles**_

_**gone on patrol needed to clear my head and get some fresh air... **_

_**don't come checking im fine be back soon,**_

_**in a couple hours.**_

_**dont worry no more incidents are gonna happen.**_

_**love, Buffy.**_

she then walked over to her weapons chest grabbed a stake and walked out the front door, carefully closing it behind her. Buffy just stood outside for a few seconds and breathed in the crisp, fresh night air.

_hmm so many graveyards so little time before they realize im gone, hmm i'll just head over to Restfield. _Buffy walked down the street and up 3 blocks till she reached good o'le restfeild.

She looked around there was a few fresh graves. "Hmm must be late sleepers...oh well, i'll just wait for them" She jumped up and sat on the nearest crypt.

Buffy twirled her stake around to keep herself occupied but that didn't last long, she has a short attention span, and was itching for a good slay._ ughh im so bored...!_ "Oh for the love of god will you just rise already so we can get this over with and i can go home?"

_well i guess Powers That Be tonight put their listening ears on tonight _she looked, the dirt on all five fresh graves we're moving and they we're ALL rising. _well this should be...fun._

Buffy walked over to the grave closest to her and staked the half-risen vamp. Next she did the same to the other vamp...which seemed to be stuck? _wow what a noob... im doing him a favor._

She was then face to face with three other vamps "So who's up first?" Buffy quirked "Sssslayyer" vamp #1 slurred. "wow that is so getting old can't you guys come up with better names for me than that?" Buffy teased.

"Ssssslayer" Vamp #1 repeated "Hell destroyer" Vamp #2 said "hell destroyer seriously?" Buffy asked. Vamp #2 shrugged then they we're all calling her random names "bitch, hell god, slayer, killer, bint, Buffy," "Wait did one of you just call me Buffy?" Buffy asked "No bitch we didn't" Vamp #3 said.

"HER name is Buffy you moron." Spike said as he punched Vamp #1 in the face. Buffy just stood there slack-jawed as Spike gave a few of them the 1-2 punch sequence then snapped Vamp #2's neck, threw a roundhouse kick at Vamp #1 and kicked him acrost the cemetery and he cracked his neck off of a monistary.

Now he was toe in toe with vamp #3 But he was the wiser and stronger one..so he ended up winning in the end.

Spike walked over to Buffy who was speechless "Buffy 'ou okay love?" Spike asked "Wha-who..how?" Buffy stuttered "3 excellent questions that will be answered back at your house, now c'mon" Spike stated.

Spike helped buffy stand up and they begain to walk back to Buffy's house "so you're back?.. I-It's really you..like really you?" Buffy questioned "yes love it's really me and im back 've been back for the worst part of a year."

They reached Buffy's lawn and Buffy turned to him and punched him in the nose, "ow hey lay off the nose" Spike said painfully "You bastard" buffy screamed "you bastard you've been back for months and you never told me..?"

Xander and Giles ran out onto the front lawn to see what the yelling was all about.

"You never even thought to-to pick up a phone call and say hey love of my life i've been swooning over for 3 years ya im back" "but-" Spike said. "don't you but me Spike!" Buffy yelled "oh i think he probably already has" Xander said laughing

"Xander shut up" Buffy yelled Xander looked at Buffy clearly hurt by her words.

"Spike jus- what the hell? you just come back and don't tell me" Buffy's voice broke and a sob escaped

"What do you hate me that much that you would not tell me your alive or am i just too inconvient just an old obsession to pass the time when it was 'chips ahoy' in your head?" A tear slid down Buffy's face

"Buffy love it isn't like that" Spike pleaded

"No! No! don't you tell me what it isn't like, i can't believe i loved you". And with that Buffy stormed back into the house and ran up the stairs, into her room and slammed the door.

I flopped down on my bed crying while the tears flowed from my eyes.

XXXXX

Spike fell to the ground and was inconspicuisly trying to wipe the tears from his face, "Bloody hell, i've mucked everything up." Spike muttered

"you sure did captian peroxide" Xander chuckled Giles hit Xander "OW! Giles" Xander whined "you're supposed to be hitting evil dead here for hurting the Buffster not me jeez."

"Spike you should have approached her earlier and you know it, you did not muck eveything up, she obviously has feelings for you, and as much as i hate to admit it you make her happy, so we're gonna help you get her back but you have to understand this Spike im doing it for her not for you." Giles stated

"what the hell Giles whats with this 'we' thing i am so not helping bleach boy here get Buffy back it's just wrong" Xander quirped.

XXXXXX

Willow awoked to hear slamming of doors and crying, she ran to Buffy's room as the crying was coming from there. Willow slowly and cautiously opened the door, Buffy was curled up in a ball at the front of the bed.

"Buffy are you ok?" Willow approached the foot of the bed and sat down. "Yeah i'm just ducky." Buffy replied solemly while wiping furiously at her soaked cheeks

"Buffy what was all the yelling and slamming doors about?" Willow asked "Spike's back, he's been back and he never told me, he's been living with Angel" Buffy replied "that must have went over well" Willow laughed "Yeah"

Buffy smiled "i mean could you amagine those two living and working together under one roof it would be comlete chaos but it'd be hilarious" Buffy stated. Willow pondered the thought then begain laughing "I would totally pay to see that" Willow said Buffy thought for a minute then she too begain to chuckle

"Same i mean it would constantly be bickering and acting like 4 year olds" Buffy said Willow and Buffy begain having a random laugh-fest


	9. Quality bronze time

**when you get to the part in the chapter where Buffy has her 'bronzing' outfit on she looks exactly like she does on the cover of the season 7 set. (curled hair and red layered top but she has a black skirt that goes halfway to her knees and the top has two skinny straps on each side apposed to the long sleeves she has on) also i leave out the part where dawn comes back from spikes but she does get yelled at and punished also the reason she dosent leave with buffy is because she went over to willows and got ready with her as she didnt wanna fight more with buffy and not be allowed to go. hope you injoy the latest chapt! **

**Big kisses and Blondie bear hugs! xoxo**

"Thanks Will i needed that laugh" "no problem Buffy what are friends for?" Willow smiled and put Buffy's hands in hers "i'm so glad your happy again, and that your pissed off at Spike it show's that your back to your old self" Willow stated then she got up and left the room

"yeah my old self" Buffy muttered to herself "well that's a good thing isn't it?" Buffy looked up and saw that Spike was standing in her doorway he came over and sat on the bed, he had a rose in his hands "Go away Spike i'm not particuarly happy with you at the moment" Buffy said

"Neither am I." Spike replied "why are you mad at me?" Buffy asked "i didn't do anything yo-".

"No love i'm not happy with myself...your right i was a true git in not contacting you, but i just thought it would be for the best..that i wouldnt muck up your life any worse your life is already hard enough, and i couldnt face your regection again it would probably be the last blow to my sanity." Spike Admitted.

Buffy just sat there speechless _Spike had never truly spoke with his heart or addmitted i was right..well except for that once last year...but i still can't trust him i've been hurt too many times letting him in would be a bad thing..and i only have a little of my heart left it's been ripped and stolen so may times..._

"Just..leave Spike i don't want you here no one does..no one likes you..." Buffy said while choking back tears...if she was gonna keep them both safe she had to be mean, and blunt.

"Fine...i hope you suffer..till you die..i'm done Buffy, i'm tired of your mood swings and denying that you love me, right here it ends i'm gone." and with that he stood up, dropped the rose, left the room , stomped down the stairs and slammed the door as Buffy winced.

Buffy picked up the rose and twiddled it around in her fingers. _i'm doing the right thing ain't I? _ Buffy thought.

XXXXX

Dawn had seen Spike Walk up the street then back the way he came She told janice that she had to go, and followed him to..her house? she sneakily entered the house behind him and silently made her way to her room as she listened to Buffy and him Talk.

she also heard the venom in their words..and seemed to be the only one who saw the big picture they we're in love..and they we're both stubbron as an OX a very stubbron OX who liked another OX but wouldnt addmit it cause the OX was stubbron _great analogy dawn..i need to get some new ones. _. she knows how the're both misrable without each other and she knew her sister tried to kill herself because she lacked Spike..and she was gonna do something about it.

XXXXX

Dawn followed Spike to his Crypt and burst in the door behind him "Spike! you pig headed fool you march back there and tell Buffy the truth and lay all your cards on the table!" Dawn yelled at him Spike rolled his eyes.._bursting in my door calling me names i wonder where the bit gets that from..._

"Why For she can yell at me punch me, laugh at me? no i'm done being rejected by your sis, she clearly dosen't love me and she clearly never will." Spike replied "God you and her are both so blind... Spike she loves you..She's crazy about you she tried to kill herself because of you..isn't that evidence enough she loves you" Dawn stated

"love's a complicated thing niblet, but she..she's not love.." Spike answered rather sadly. "God what is it gonna take you to see...as soon as you left she was crying again that she missed you, Spike she keeps pictures of you on her dresser" Dawn told him

"she does?" Spike asked "Ya don't tell me you didnt see them...theres 2 of them..and a third taped to the inside cover of her weapons chest she thinks no one knows..but i'm her snoopy sister..i always know. Spike she's crazy about you" Dawn admitted

"Really?" Spike questioned "Really, really" Dawn told him. "so we're gonna make a devilish plan to get you guys together..and you are not gonna object or i will light you on fire and spray holy water in your blood and in your bed, and if you don't believe me ask Angel what i did to him for leaving and giving up on her." Dawn said wickedly.

"you crazy chit you, just like Big sis you are." Spike said as he chuckled. "alright lets get this plan together then" Spike said

XXXXX2 days later at the Summers homeXXXXX

"So Buffster you up for some quality Bronzing time?" Xander asked "yay Bronzing i haven't been out for awhile i think i need some quality bronze-time with my buds" Buffy said

"ohh count me in" Willow said "me as well i'm up for some dancing with my finely shaped man, and drinking, as long as Xander buys" Anya replied "i'll buy for i am Payday man!" Xander Quirked.

"So we'll meet at the Bronze later tonight i've got some stuff to do with Tara But after that i'm free" Willow said Xander raised an eyebrow and Anya said "Are you going to have some quality orgasm time with her?" Willow Spit out her water "Anya remember that thing we talked about?" Xander said.

"What? i was talking about their orgasm time not ours!" Anya said defensivly "Anya!" Xander Said embarassed "oh you mean that thing where i say something that is not table convorsation and i should not discuss with our friends?" Anya questioned

"Yeah Anya that thing.." Xander replied defetedly Buffy chuckled "So we'll meet at the bronze at eight?" Buffy asked "Yeah see you there." Xander said as he and Anya gathered up their sweaters and begain to leave the room, Xander waved as he left.

shortly after Willow packed up her computer stuff she was using earlier that day and said her goodbyes to Buffy as well.

Buffy looked at the clock it was 4:12 _hmm four hours before good old fashioned bronzing time i should go see what dawnies up to._ "Dawn?" Buffy called "Dawn?" no answer.

XXXXX

"So their all gonna be at the bronze tonight?" Spike asked as he learned this new info Dawn was telling him "yup But you can definetly get Buffy away i'll make sure of it" Spike raised an eyebrow but decided it was for the best to listen to the little Bit.

"So heres how it's gonna go..."

XXXXX 3 1/2 hours later XXXXX

Buffy was just putting the finishing touches of makeup on then she walked down the stairs, grabbed her keys adn strode out the front door making sure to lock it behind her.

Buffy walked down revello drive and half a block from the good side of town, until she saw the groggy neon 'Bronze' sign, Buffy smiled todday she was gonna dance her worries away and hopefully dance her feelings for spike away.

Buffy reaached the door, flashed the bouncer her I.D and walked inside, beside the stairs she saw a table with , Xander and Anya, at it. Xander waved and Ushered her over.

"hey Buffster" Xander said "wow you look great" "Hey guys.. wheres Willow, Tara and Dawn?" Buffy asked. "oh she's over getting a drink" Tara pointed to the bar where Dawn was handing over a bill to the bartender. And Willow and Tara are dancing Anya pointed to the dancefloor.

"Shes..not drinking alcohol is she?" Buffy asked worridly "no Buffy she isn't but even if she did it'd be her decision she's 19 now." Xander said Buffy gave him a beady glare "as long as she's under my roof she will not drink..Beer = bad i think we all figured that one out a time or two." Buffy stated

Dawn was on her way back over to the table when she saw a bleached head she walked over to Spike "good job taking my pointers on what to wear" Dawn said Spike had on blue jeans, a blue silk long sleeved button down shirt, a casual chain, his doc martens and some random rings on his fingers, overall he cleaned up pretty well.

"So are you ready?" Dawn asked "Ready as i'll ever be niblet" Spike replied "ok fase one of the plan GO!"

Buffy and the others we're deep in conversation when Dawn came back to the table "Look who i found" Dawn said as Spike came up behind her "Spike." Buffy said breathlessly "hey Buffy" Spike said as he did that smile he's so well known for.


	10. You are my heart My world

"Spike?" Buffy looked at him with questioning eyes "Oh look its captain peroxide, hey Spike i hope your not gonna be back to your ole' lovesick puppy stalker routine now that your back." Xander stated "Shut up whelp, this dosent concern you, I'm here to talk to Buffy."

"Well maybe Buffy dosen't wanna talk to you" Xander said his voice high "Well maybe she does" Xander stood up and got right in Spikes face, "I doubt she wants to talk to you she hates your guts" Willow stood up and pushed between them "HEY HEY HEY!" "This is Buffy's desicion as to what she wants todo, Xander this isn't your place to make a desision for her."

"Luv, can we talk alone?" Spike asked Buffy "No Spike whatever you have to say you can say here." "Love i really doubt you want to discuss this in front of your mates" "Well maybe i dont wanna talk about it at all?"

"Pet we have to talk about us." Spike stated "Spike when are you gonna get it through your head there is no US. I went too close to the fire before and got burned, I cant do it again." Buffy screamed, then she fled from the bronze "told you so" Xander said under his breath Willow kicked him Spike ran after her, "BUFFYYY." "Buffy wait!"

Buffy ran at a dead run. tears flowing from her face, she didn't know where she was going she just knew she had to get away from there, away from them all mkaing desisions for her, and away from Spike, the only one who could really keep her from drowning.

Before she knew it she ended up at her mothers grave, and just collasped in sobs, she cried for her mother, she cried for her crappy life, she cried for when she lost Spike, she cried for Faith, now dead. her life was a complete and total wreck, and the others could never even come close to knowing or feeling anything similar,

Spike ran, until he found Buffy in Restfield cemetery in front of her mothers grave, he slowed and walked up to her, put his arms around her, and just waited, it seemed she was in a catonic state he tried to talk to her god she wasn't even blinking just crying and crying. he waited into the hours of the morning before her sobs finally subsided and she fell asleep,

It was almost Dawn, and Spike needed to talk to her, he needed to talk to Buffy, but not the Buffy in this state, so he picked her up and carried her back to his old crypt.

XXXXX

Xander looked out the window of 1630 Revellow drive, "Giles I dont get It she should be back by now I think Spike killed her." "Xander do shut up, even if he did it would be entirely your fault of what Willow tells me, apparently you we're acting quite jealous. you dont still have feelings for Buffy do you?"

Xander turned and looked at Giles "No eww! Giles shes like my sister, that was nipped in the bud a long time ago." Giles sighed and went to pour a cup of tea, knowing full well Xander was lying.

He just hoped his slayer was safe, and begging to be happy again even if it was with William the bloody the scourge of Europe who tried to kill them all. bugger it we're all screwed.

XXXXX

Buffy awoke to an unfimilliar bed, she sat up abrupty and looked around, wiping the sleep out of her eyes. then she heard a gringing against stone and saw Spike coming downstairs, "Good love your awake, and hopefully not catatonic,"

"How long was i asleep?" Buffy asked "All day and the better part of the night," Spike answered "Dawn, the others i have to get back they'll be worried they think I must be in complete breakdown mode after last night," Buffy begain to get up,"well you we're...No love. sit we need to talk and we're gonna talk now even if it bloody takes all night, I phoned the watcher he knows where you are and he red and the whelp are at your place watcing dawn, thought she dosent bloody well need it."

"Fine Spike, What do you want to talk about?" Buffy questioned. "You, Me, us." Spike answered, "Spike there is no 'us' I thought we went over this." "hmm I thought we did too until you said you loved me then went suicidal after I died so obviously we bloodywell need to talk about it."

"fine." "good." they sat in silence for a few minutes "Buffy do you love me, and dont give me the your a monster, my friends would never accept you i could never love you blah blabbity blah blah blah routine cause you and me both know its just a mask."

Buffy paused "Yes Spike i do, but it dosen't mean we should act on it, it'll just end in badness for all of us."Spike tilted his head "how so love?" "well we'll fall in love it'll be great, we'll get together, look forward to seeing each other each day, fight monsters, apocalypses, then we'll grow completely attached and one day one of us will leave and rip the still beating heart from the other."

"Pet, we've already done all that stuff." Spike stated

"No we didn't!" Buffy argued "Yes we did, we are already in love, we've already bleeding got together, we look forward to seeing each other all the time, and dont deny it, we fight monsters and apocalypses weekly sometimes daily, and we have both left on each other before and then returned more madly in love than the last time and hey hearts not beating here and I wouldn't dream of hurting yours?"

" I..." Buffy begain but stoped abruptly "you what love, whats the real reason, is it because of captain cardboard and the great poof hurting you cause I am in no way like them, no way Buffy..."

Spike grabbed Buffys hands into his, "look buffy, You are my heart ...My world.. My fantasy.. In my eyes, you shine till the end of time. I love you, baby" Tears begain to roll down Buffys cheeks, Spike wiped them away then Buffy leant in and kissed him, the kiss was soft at first, then grew more passionate and intense, wanting.

Buffy pulled away, then looked up at him, "Spike I love you too... but when you died Your face used to haunt me. Especially at night. I lied there wishing, waiting, wanting to be in your arms once more. Just to hear your voice would be magic and i used all my fallen eyelashes, wising wells, candles every little supersticious thing you could wish on i did, for you to come back, and you did, course-"

Haha "I went a bit crazy, then was oober pissed off when you showed your ass around here saying you'd been back for a year and hadn't come to see me." Spike chuckled.

"But i still can't be with you" Spike stood up and pounded his fist on the wall "Why the hell not Buffy, we love each other, we never wanna leave each other, and I'm never gonna hurt you, god Buffy why won't you let me in, why wont you let me break down those walls, can't you see girl. can't you see i'm the only one for you?" more tears rolled down her cheeks as Buffy drank this all in thought about the past the present and thought of what could come.

"I think i'm done." Buffy stood up "FINE!" Spike yelled then she turned her hear clearly hurt by his tone "No buffy you can't just leave like this withou-" Spike was cut off as Buffy crashed her lips to his, they embraced each other, and Spike deepened the kiss till Buffy pulled back for some much needed oxygen, which Spike also par-taked in even though he didn't need to.

"But i thought..." Spike started "I'm done, done baking the timers gone off and you've got the oven gloves on, and I want you to enjoy warm cookie me," Spike tilted his head confused at her anolagy she laughed "Spike your right, I dunno why we've put this off for so long" Spike moved away and scoffed, "if I do remember right pet I was not putting it off, that was entirely coming form your side"

Buffy laughed, then it was quiet, "So where do we go from here?"

Spike looked down at her deep into her eyes those big green orbs of hers that always drew him in. "Buffy.. what are you doing tomorrow night?" "god i don't even know theres been so much going on, me being suicidal youc oming back catonic Buffy, the gang needs to talk, need to patrol cause god theres probably alot of demon acting been going down that i haven't been taking care of." Buffy answered nervously. "No your not." "Uhh yeah i am Spike." "Nope your going to the bronze, with me for dinner, and dancing, without your mates, and without those responsibilities,"

"Spike...I can't" "yeah you can Buffy you deserve a night out, with me, you can tlak to your mates today, and the bit we'll get your friends to patrol and Willow and Gilinda to look after Dawnie, it'll be fun." Buffy looked away, "Aww common Love it'll be fun"

"Okay, Fine." Buffy rolled her eyes. "Oh dont act al excited for my sake pet" Spike stated sarcasticly. Buffy chuckled, "Common lets get back to my house befpre the sun gets up, i'm really hungry and the gangs probably gonna want answers" Buffy rubbed her tummy for emphasis, and pointed towards the door.

XXXXX

Hey guys, thanks for reading sorry about the long wait on updating, but i've been super busy, i do plan to update this fic, 1-2 toimes a week, but i plan to update all my fics at he same tome so thats why its tooken so long, while partly haha

remember review please dont make me beg! ya'll want me to get my muse back for this story dontcha i know foxybabygirlygirl want me too, dont you girly! LOL (;

Much love, - Numberonebuffyfan. 3


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